I Am Not A Mind Reader And I Blame Hollywood For Your Unrealistic Expectations Of Me!

11 Jun

I’m sure it’s not just my own relationships that have, at some point during them, had the following stated; “I’m not a mind reader!” Usually due to the dishonesty in response from your partner to a perfectly simple question, like ‘I don’t mind if you go out, honest.’
It becomes more annoying the more you inevitably end up saying it, but will, in my experience, continue to crop up in the verbal toing and froing that make up most conversations of a relationship, intimate or otherwise.

So, we’ve established that you will at some point, almost definitely more than once say this to your partner, but why don’t we learn from it? I have to admit, I really like arguing with people and have been known to, on occasion, say the opposite to someone just to get one going, but it’s not likely you’ll use said phrase during this type of argument. It’s more likely during the example stated above, the argument/ mud slinging after you have done something you were under the impression there was nothing wrong with. Surely the answer would be for people to just say what they mean in the first place. If I said to my girlfriend that ‘I don’t mind her going out’, resulting in her going out, then what right do I have to use this as some kind of ammunition against her decision later on? None is the answer here, but I know girls and some very strange boys that in this instance will say things like, well you obviously don’t care if you went out. Well is the fact you or I asked the other’s permission to do this not enough to show you cared in the first place? Apparently not.

Why it’s not, is still very unclear to me and I have very little in way of an answer to these ridiculous ‘tests’ your partner can sometimes land on you. Now I don’t know about most of you, but I’m pretty sure that like me, when you got into this relationship, it wasn’t because you wanted to be tested in any way shape or form. At first it was probably the physical attraction that then caused you to go at it like rabbits for about three months, followed, quite abruptly, by the ‘Lets just stay in tonight and watch a movie and cuddle.’ I foolishly said yes, like most of you to this recommendation, which leaves you thinking about the two hours you’ll never get back after having to pretend for that long, your romance is somehow going to resemble some dog shit Hollywood moving picture, which lets face it guys, the only bits of that sentence you want out of the evening is Holly and Wood.
You have now successfully entered the relationship. Now the real torment begins, first it’s staying in watching rubbish films, not every night, but one of these films, such as The Notepad, will leave you feeling as though it’s every night. But while you’re feeling as though two years has been lost from your life during them two hours, she is thinking ‘why aren’t you more like the lead male actor and the character they’re playing?’ You just wish she looked like the actress, unless it’s Sarah Jessica Parker, then your grateful your girl is just overweight.

Now she has it in her head that she wants your relationship to be Hollywood, the saying of things she doesn’t mean will start, back to the first example given. “Excuse me babe, the lads are going out to watch the football later, do you mind if I join them?”
”Why of course not, my love.” She says smiling, with a scowl just waiting to punch her face off from inside her beautiful skull.
The first time you ask this will be one of the only times you’re actually asking, but don’t tell her that. The first time you come home drunk, by drunk I obviously mean smashed, you will probably not suffer the full wrath of her mental ideologies of what she thinks the relationship should be, just an annoyed girlfriend telling you that you’re a bit of a tit. It takes a couple of events before the insidious delusions and frankly erratic behaviour from your partner starts.
And it WILL!

I am astonished Hollywood have been able to get away with this disgusting behaviour for so long, the Jewish Community in Los Angeles must be responsible for breaking up so many monotonous relationships that would have otherwise flourished into a beautiful pool of bitterness and the occasional drunken fondling. How dare they give people these false ideas of what their lives could be like.
The biggest problem being of course is that none of these films show the normal day to day things we do, like paying bills for example. Where do these fuckers get all that money from, no wonder these films end right at the beginning of the couple’s relationship, because the bloke has more than likely got himself into some serious financial problems all in the name of lust. And what a depressing movie that next phase would be.

Basically people, all I am saying is, don’t be sucked into this realm of fantasy where your real life is concerned because you will forever be depressed. These Characters portrayed do not exist in real life, even the based on true events people are 99% fictional. Stop comparing your chav boyfriend with a coke problem to Ryan Gosling, the ACTOR. So what if your relationship isn’t your idea of perfect. Your faults are the most perfect thing about it, the only thing that make it real. So next time your partner wants to go out on the smash, say yes, get inebriated yourself and enjoy the fact you have someone, even if they are overweight and racist.

Thank you for reading people, be good to each other.

Peace and Love.

James,

x

 

Sorry for delay with this latest musing, I have been waiting on some exciting news. All will be revealed soon!

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