The Character Traits Of The Social Group! (Part 1)

23 Jan
There is, at the basic level, two kinds of ‘Social Grouping.’ You have the one you can’t choose, school for example. Then by that definition, the one you can, that’s called being an adult.
Adult!
Adult!
Throughout life you will come across many different species of Social Groups, but at their core, will all be the same. All will claim to be different, but with the Life Experience I’ve acquired in the 27 years I’ve been a part of community Earth, I can assure you, they are the same. There may be slight variations on the ‘kind’ of a particular species, but this is usually down to the majority sex of the group. A good example of this would be the Odd Pairings you get within these different social groups.
With girls, more often than not, you will have a ‘Fitty’ hanging out with a ‘Fatty’. The 1st conclusion a lot of you will be coming to, is that Fitty is quite clearly using Fatty, to a) make herself feel better about her own insecurities, or b) to block the cock.
Both very fair points made, but have you considered this, that maybe this benefits both parties, I mean, if they go KFC, who’s going to enjoy that experience more I ask??
They’re out, in a club, in a pub, where ever they are, outcome, always the same, Fatty fighting to be heard (she’s quite clearly seen), Fitty, she’s on to a winner, home time. Fitty “I can’t leave Fatty.” Winner, “Not a problem, meet my indiscriminate friend!” Both Fatty and Fitty will be ending their nights on a high.
In this particular blog, I will be focusing mainly on the Male side of this phenomenon called Social Grouping.
A Predominantly Male Group.
A Predominantly Male Group.
As I mentioned before, all of these groups, regardless of there surroundings, class, clothes, music taste, race, sexuality, goals, favourite sports team, haircut, jobs or whether they use Mac or PC, at their core, will be the same. I will dissect the groups into personalities you will always find in them. That’s not to say people in the group couldn’t have more than one of these character traits, of course they could, this is merely sectioned to make for easier digestion. This way you and you’re friends can join in the fun by, upon completion of reading, labelling each other as if you don’t already out of ear shot. So on that note, I’ll start with:

The Gossip.

There will be many of you that probably see this as a female trait, which it most definitely is, but is very much a part of the predominantly male groups. Usually the person you describe as someone you couldn’t tell your secrets to. If you haven’t used this description about someone, in one form or another, then it’s probably been used about you. Not always a bad thing as everyone likes to hear gossip of some kind, whether they admit it or not. But what sets the ‘Gossip’ apart from the others, is that being labelled a gossip means you probably like to stir things up or just tell as many people things you shouldn’t just for the sake of telling them, you’ll tell family members, people from other social groups, people that probably don’t even know the victim of your embellished tales. But you will tell this tedious tale to anyone that’ll stand in front of you long enough for you to spit it out, regardless. Even if you’re caught in the act, it will not deter you from repeating the exaggerations or just outright lies about someone else that roll off of your tongue with ease. No remorse is felt even when caught out. The good thing about you is that everyone in the group, bar the person/s of the story, knows all the juicy gossip without doing anything wrong. The downside to this though, it can be quite hard to act surprised about that pregnancy when told, even though me and the 20 people surrounding me, knew over a month ago, even if it’s not triplets. Cheers John.
Your stories usually start with some bit of truth to them, they just end up being so different to the story that started, most blokes do this about themselves to a point anyway, but you are a different breed, not too unlike my next subject:

The Billy Bullshit,

No_Bullshit.jpg.scaled500-300x300
You, my friend, are capable of spouting something so ridiculous it can be quite compelling upon first hearing it. “See that Felix Baumgartner, they asked me if I fancied doing that space jump first, but I was injured whilst poaching elephants in London Zoo. So had to pull out. I should be recovered in time to be the 1st man to live on the moon for a month though!” or things of this nature.
Although it can be extremely annoying listening to you at times, or just simply not being able to have a conversation without drifting off and wishing you were back with the gossip, you can make some nights quite entertaining, especially as you don’t need any coke to start talking the complete cod shit you love sharing so much. Putting you and the ‘Gossip’ in a room together can be very entertaining in deed.
As much as you try though, this seems to be an affliction you are unable to shake, it’s almost as if you were born this way, your 1st words were probably ‘I once……….’
More often than not, your tall tales are harmless and do no one any damage on the social scale, other than yourself of course. You usually know someone or you yourself have accomplished a massive variety of things, you’re almost definitely in the Guinness book of records, you probably rub shoulders with the rich and/or famous, are best friends with the local nutcase, possibly are the local nutcase, you were the hardest person in your year at school, generally the best, 2nd best if trying to keep it low, at almost anything you tell people you’ve turned your hand to. You have to be a part of any conversation being had, not always at the centre of it, but you must be heard at some point during the course of the conversation, sometimes bragging to individuals after if you couldn’t quite be seen or heard, similar to a ‘Know All’ but with nothing but bullshit in every direction you can spray it. Capable of leaving a bad taste in people’s mouths after first meeting them, you are a vital part of the make up in a social group, even if it is ‘that bloke they constantly take the piss out of.’ Or try and leave in the company of other people they don’t particularly want to spend too much time/be seen with either. A lot like a Jehovah’s Witness or a Chugger, unable to contain yourself in telling people a load of complete and utter bollocks!

The Joker.

There are two main kinds of joker, the lary outgoing ‘Joker’, and the quiet witty ‘Joker’. It’s possible to sometimes come across a ‘Combo Joker’, but these are quite a rare breed.
do i need to explain, really?
do i need to explain, really?
We’ll start with the first mentioned, the ‘Lary Joker’.
As funny as you can be, you can, at times, become too much for some with your obnoxious repertoire, but given the right time and place, can be the highlight of ones evening. Unfortunately for you, your style of making people laugh can make you look a bit of a nob head to people watching from a distance, to people that join halfway through, or to people that feel the time and place is inappropriate. You will be accused of bullying, being inconsiderate of others and in some groups even pretentious. But usually, for the people in your group, blatantly taking the Michael out of that bloke that got his head stuck between the tube doors is the greatest way to spend anytime on public transport. Although your brash belittling of something/someone can offend easily at times, stick to your guns, it can be absolute gold. Be warned, you may have to endure a slap every now and then, unless you’re friends with the local nutcase too…
Then we have the ‘Witty Joker’. You’re usually of some intelligence, meaning you probably read a book every now and then that isn’t Katie Price’s autobiography. Usually only people of a similar intelligence find you funny, otherwise it’s someone that watches TV soaps religiously and has no idea what you’re ever going on about and probably thinks you’re weird. You are not weird, Uri Gellar is weird.
Within the group, you can nearly always be relied on to say the one liner that has them falling about, or at least lay the foundations for a bundle of little jokes coming their way. You probably instigate the ‘in joke’ amongst your group, if not, you will embrace this new gag as if it were your own, giving it a new lease of life. This ‘in joke’ when away from the group can be your downfall too, as when a new person or 2 enter the social situation, if left without your peers to laugh, this ‘in joke’ quickly becomes very irritating for those not a part of the click that started it. Even if explained to the new creature’s around you, it will very likely lose its edge, and no longer be funny, but to you and the people in the founding click, these ‘in jokes’ can go on for month’s, even years in some cases. You will sometimes find a couple of these ‘In Jokers’ per group, usually bouncing off of one another, but if you can help it, try not to be left as a third wheel with these two. You will want to kill yourself or one of them quite early on.
a couple of of tits and jokers. You can decide which is which.......
a couple of of tits and jokers. You can decide which is which…….
A pair of ‘In Jokers’ will relentlessly have laughs at your expense, and you might not understand why? Or what they are laughing at, but it probably involves you.

The Quiet One,

These are hard work and they’re part of all social groups. People that know you well always seem to say you’re not that quiet. You are. Apparently you are the ones to watch out for, or be careful of. I’m yet to figure out why? Although when you are able to get something from a ‘Quiet One’ it can, on occasion, be quite profound. If you stand close enough to hear them.
I’d recommend texting only too, being stuck on the phone with a ‘Quiet One’ is one of the two most awkward things you can suffer. The other is getting caught masturbating in someone else’s house.

The Berti Big Bollocks,

Berti.
Berti.
Female groups have an equivalent of this person, Bertha Big Balls. These can occasionally be the most pretentious of the group. You will no matter what try to enforce your leadership on a group, with a combination of different tactics, you can make others feel stupid for having idea’s, but if in the end, this is the idea the group follows, you will make bold claims that you wanted to do this and how you are an expert in this field, otherwise constantly moaning about how poor it is. If you don’t want to do something it must mean its rubbish, you jump into fads as soon as you can, just to dismiss them as soon as they become popular, if they become popular. You want to stand out from the crowd, insisting to yourself, you are a trend setter, you probably hash tag at any given opportunity. You’re likely to be convinced you are the only one among your peers, possibly the world, who likes something, even if it is a global phenomenon. Usually you are quite clearly part of a group, but despise to be labelled as that specific thing, I’ve personally found Mod’s are the Royal Family of this. I suppose the balding middle aged blokes with a big target slapped on their chest down the front of a Paul Weller gig shouting for songs he finished playing 30 years ago amongst a chorus of ‘We are the….’, calling themselves Mod’s makes you die a little inside, knowing that if you had started losing your Weller wig and came from a small town/village, you’d be doing the same.
what being the centre of attention looks like?
what being the centre of attention looks like?
You love attention and being at the centre of it, if you for some reason haven’t landed yourself in that prime position, you’ll do something outrageous to get there. ‘No ones talking to me, I better go head butt the urinal, eating one of them complimentary bad tasting blue sweets in the process and show them how I am the person they need to be giving the attention to!’ Forgetting your at your mates first gig.
But in truth, the reason your getting the cold shoulder is because #YoureAbitOfaDickhead!
By far the most selfish of the Social Group, in respect that everything is on your terms, if not, it’s what you are working toward. This can be of a great benefit to the group too, as you can blag your way into things that without your self righteous sycophantic ways, the group wouldn’t have had the opportunity to experience, but you wouldn’t have any qualms about ditching your mates, to enjoy it solo. To new people entering your realm you are quick to assert yourself and let it be known to them you are the top dog. You’ll miss friends birthday do’s and slate anyone that misses yours. You seem blind to the fact that sometimes it’s nice to be nice. In my experience, you and the ‘Lary Joker’ are the usual causes of any drama that happens.

The Sexual Predator,

Not the dangerous kind, usually referred to as a slut. You are my personal favourite amongst the female groups. Rarely having high standards, they may start high, but it only takes a couple of knock backs, unless you are obsessed with the game (a book for quite sad and lonely individuals, or people that have only just discovered their penis.). You care about your appearance at the start of the night, but by the next morning are usually looking like shit due to having been on the job all night in some remote part of the country you’d never heard of, now realising its two buses, a tube and an over ground train ride home, even though the night before it was cab central for you. Now just smelling of sex, the remnants of Joop and CK for her, you’ll make your way home, maybe to work, usually satisfied with the conquest of the previous 24hrs. You have the adoration of the younger members of your particular social group, the jealousy of the older married ones and the ugly ones because it’s you that’s lucky enough to be sleeping with that fit barmaid, as well as the disgust of people on the edges of your circle that you, either haven’t tried rooting, or shared your mojo with. Every male in the group thinks they are ‘The Sexual Predator’ but we all know there can only be one, two at a push, but this doesn’t stop blokes thinking it.
Be careful dear, Sexual Predators are near!!
Be careful dear, Sexual Predators are near!!
Like the ‘Berti’, you can have a habit of leaving your mates stranded, but for you its to fulfil your sexual desires, a habit that now I think about it, we’d probably all do the back door boogie for. Especially as we don’t get as much tail anywhere near as often as you, you dirty beast.

The Depressive,

Depressing.
Depressing.
You may not necessarily be the kind on medication, but you will always need reassurance. You beat yourself up needlessly, usually extreme in your emotions, a hypochondriac and an attention seeker.
In my opinion, possibly the most irritating characteristic of the social group, you are harder work than the ‘Quiet One’. Getting you to relax and just enjoy a night out is like telling Paul Gadd, the actual age of consent, it does no good. You often have what can only be described as a split personality, probably quite an addictive personality too. You have a horrible trait of taking everything people say to heart, and can be quite volatile to people, but if not on the receiving end of one of these outbursts, it can be highly amusing to watch, I’m not going to lie. It’s sometimes impossible to tell you anything regarding you. Especially if it’s not something good, but everyone needs to be told sometimes. It’s almost as if you’re constantly on a come down.

The Drifter,

The general rule for you guys, you are a Social Group surfer, not ever completely belonging to a one set, you ‘Drift’ from one to another, a social chameleon of the highest order, you know everyone and a little about a lot. Usually able to adapt to whatever surroundings you find yourself in, you have a lot of mates, not a lot of friends. So as you’ll never belong to one social group properly, you’re the most likely to incorporate more than one of the personality traits described here. To anyone that knows you well enough, they’ll no doubt describe you as a bit of a psychopath (I would hope not the murderous kind), a lot more common than you think reader.
You are a master of being part of the fantasy of seeming to have an amazing time wherever you are. Literally capable of moving from town to town without ever struggling to find someone to have a good time with, whatever that good time may be.
Probably the most likely to go travelling on your own. I have friends like this, they’ll literally just fuck off for months on end, and come back with stories worthy of the camp fire, tales of fighting mountain monkeys and being offered women, by the men married to them. Amazing.
There are however, downfalls to this . You’re going to die alone…………this is a joke, you’re now hoping.
This is Social England.
This is Social England.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
There are clearly others that can be added, but this is only Part 1.
Part 2 (featuring The Cool Cat, The Moaner, The Hermit and more) will follow in the not so distant future, based on the feedback I may or may not receive. Feel free to leave a comment and share. Maybe add a Character trait you feel should make Part 2?
I hope you have enjoyed reading my thoughts and views on The Social Group, and if not, like I give a shit.
“If Liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.” George Orwell.
If I am lucky enough to have your attention, stay tuned for more ramblings, musings, general thoughts and rants of someone that sees the world through hazed and glazed eyes.
Be Here, Or Be Sphere!
Peace and Love, talk soon.
James,
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