Dear Alcohol, Why Do I Ever Trust You??

11 Sep

I know that it’s not your fault, but something innate to you. Your ability to completely impair my sometime good judgement, or that false sense of confidence you give me. That ‘what are you doing?’ at 4am on a Wednesday text feeling. For whatever reason, you also seem to have mastered the ability of making me forget perfectly good nights as well as the bad, ruin personal relationships and spend my money.

You have a grip on me I seem unable to shake. I’ve at times, because of you, lost jobs, friends, money, continence, keys, phones, mojo and for long spells, my happiness. I often wish to leave you out of my life, but you make nights and places, for the most part, more bearable, but you have a breaking point that causes these terrible things to happen. I’ve even woken up in hospital with absolutely no idea of how I got there because of you.
With everything I have going on at the moment, you are the last friend I need, but probably the only one I have that really does stick with me, whether I want you to or not. We are intimate often, rarely argue, mainly because come arguing time in our relationship you have left me to wallow in my own self pity. After you seem to have bashed my head in of course.

Why can’t you be more like my other friend Mary Jane, she lets me keep complete control. Ok, she may make me sit staring at a screen for hours on end and really enjoy eating junk or discussing the weirdest things, but at least she leaves me feeling ok about it afterwards. She loves me as much as I love her and never does me a wrong turn unless you’re involved. You are evil, you have been the downfall of many a great man and I am just falling into your statistical fortress of misery. Our relationship is becoming ever more insidious. But like a dog, I will continue to fall at your knees and beg.
I need to replace you with something else, I feel our time together has ran it’s course, for the time being, and we should probably go our separate ways. I know this will hurt and upset me more than you, as your lack of compassion for my mind set at the moment is blatantly obvious for everyone to see.

It wouldn’t be fair of me to let my love for you interfere in anyway with my most important relationship, the one I have with my son. So, with some regret and some relief, I feel now is the time to take that break from each other. I couldn’t possibly say how long for, but maybe one day we could rekindle our love and maybe do it properly instead of recklessly. I am not in a very good place at the moment and need at least a break from you, if not a break up.
So until, or even if, we cross paths again,

I bid you farewell old friend.

Peace and Love,

James, x



Am I Trying To Keep Hold Of My Youth?

28 Aug

So at the age of 28, I certainly wouldn’t be considered an old man, I wouldn’t even be considered a middle aged one, so why the question? Something about approaching 30 has recently made me wonder about other people’s perceptions of the things I do. Not in the kind of way that would ever make me want to stop doing these things but just as a point of conversation. For example, I have recently taken up Skateboarding for the second time in my life, but the first time I had this hobby I was considered a child, now I am an adult, I have been told by clearly small minded people that I’m being a child by doing it. Which makes me think, maybe by doing these things I am trying to cling on to being young for as long as I can?

I don’t personally feel as though I’m getting old, but obviously certain things happen, pain lasts a little longer, I can’t throw my fists quite as quick and worst of all, my hangovers seem to take longer to get over. But this is all a natural part of getting older and I feel quite content with how my body reacts to things. I may not be at the peak of my physical condition but I’m certainly not out of my prime years either, I’m a young man. So why would doing something like Skateboarding carry with it, this stigma that I’m being a child? Could a single one of you reading explain how it’s any more childish to do this sport than it is to play football as an adult? Thought not.

I also intended to take up Boxing again this summer, nothing heavy, but some light training leaving it open to the idea of maybe fighting. This idea has been met with a completely different reaction from my peers, I’m not getting called a child that’s for sure. So why is it that if someone is punching me in the face to cause them bruises instead of face planting concrete, it is no longer childish? Strange thought process, wouldn’t you agree old sport?
So my main thoughts behind doing these things is to get fitter than I am, as fit as you can be whilst being intimate with cigarettes and alcohol and having no interest in giving up the love of my life. I don’t feel as if I need to hold on to anything from my youth, I’m probably happier at this moment in time than I was when I was a teenager, and I definitely enjoy things more. I may have more responsibility, more questions, more answers, more bills, more gripes, more knowledge and more more more. But nothing that makes me ever wish for more youth. If anything, I find a lot of people under the age of 20 to be fucking idiots and I still find it shocking I was once one of them.

So up to now, the answer the to this question would be No, but I am asking it for a reason? Could it be my cousins and brother are all becoming adults, but still just under that age it wouldn’t be considered odd for us to hang out? Or maybe the fact students are so damn fine to look at, pervert, but are just young enough for it to be considered weird to be hitting it with a near 30 year old? I couldn’t say for sure whether I am trying to keep hold of my youth or not to be honest. Would getting over excited about anything remotely meaningless be considered childish, you know, like the way a lot of us rant and rave at the TV because of a football match or change we have absolutely no control over. Which is exactly what my 3 year old son does when I’ve told him ‘he is not to do something.’.
Does this make the average football fan, let alone the fanatical football fan, childish?
Yes it probably does, but as it’s a common thing on such a large scale, it rarely comes in for the same kind of criticism as an adult going out on a Skateboard.

I’ve never understood really, why so many of us, myself included, get so worked up about our football team or any other sporting event really but I have to admit that watching these things gives me a feeling as good as any I’ve experienced outside of that moment. I also get this feeling landing a trick for the first time, playing that song live for the first time, kissing that girl, winning that bet, seeing Floyd Mayweather lose (I assume seeing this will be as good anyway.), along with a list too long to consider adding to this 800 word or so piece in which I have said ‘not’ a great deal. This started with a serious question in my mind but has gradually just been talked into a silly question with some silly responses. I’m 28 for fuck sake, so what if I skateboard, so what if I love football, boxing and get like a 14 year old school girl when I hear a new Noel Gallagher record. People, so what if you’re 78 and still love these things, well maybe not these exact things, but even if you did, so the fuck what?
Who cares if people only have irreverent comments and contemptible feelings towards the thing you love. At least we are enjoying being ourselves.

Thanks for reading people and until next time, be good to each other!

Peace and Love.

James. x

Mis-Shapes And Standing On Necks….

9 Jul

So I woke up Friday, usual monotonous morning routine, two coffees, shower, brushing teeth and leaving with plenty of time to get to work. Upon leaving the house, adjusting my headphones as I normally do, I decided I would go with the shuffle option on my iPod, really the greatest invention since music itself. The first song to tease and pleasure my big lug’oles on this fine sunny morning came from an album by the name of ‘A Different Class’ by Pulp, it was track 1. Mis-Shapes. If ever I needed a sign of the day ahead, this was certainly it.

Followed quickly by what seemed a flurry of good tunes, I was quickly brought back down to earth by arriving at work. Not all was lost, my very close friend Glen, of the Wilson Clan, had confirmed he was coming along with me that night to the Purple Turtle, Camden. So through the day I confirmed our names on the list, got back to Enfield with time to spare and we set off via bus to Camden, got to the venue about half nine, and in we went, reasonable prices, good vibes and good people. Good people with the exception of some guys that had blatantly been out all day in the sun and wandered in off the street, handing their entrance fees over and then making nuisances of themselves. Whilst stood with my mate Dan, I was fully expecting him to politely ask if ‘any of them would like him to stand on their necks?’ It wasn’t needed as the bouncers saw the problem and ejected it. So if next time you’re in Camden and happen to see some lads walking around with crepe sole imprints on their neck, you know what happened.

Time for the first act of the night, I was surprised to see my mate Nick Mercer, formerly of Sergeant, hitting the stage with his acoustic guitar and playing some of his earlier hits and more. A very promising start to the proceedings, I’m no gig reviewer but, I would say that his set got me in the mood for the rest of the evening.
A short break followed, enough time for a cigarette outside and to talk about boots, necks and things of that nature. Up next was the Stone Thieves, a good name in my opinion, which instantly grabs my attention. Now I must confess I have actually seen these before this night, but was so drunk the last time my conscious being had no recollection, photographic evidence was needed for it to be proved to me. The sound was spot on, I know they had a couple of issues with the monitors, but out front sounded good. They have the look and that very brash, ‘let’s fuckin av’it’ sound. An enjoyable set with minimal casualties, I will definitely be out to see these boys again.
Now the final band of the night, I had not heard of until the day before, when Phil, Co-Founder of Mis-Shapes, had mentioned them in a message to me, told me they were superb. You obviously expect to hear that, but what I saw did not let his words down. K E Y S were superb, fucking superb. Unlike anyone i have seen in a while, psyche, blues, rock ‘n’ roll, every tune was a banger. Thoroughly enjoyed them. Looked and sounded awesome.

A very brief rundown of the night, probably doesn’t do the acts much justice, but this monthly night Mis-Shapes is one of the best nights around London for showcasing the best up and coming talent from all over the country, I say this without any sarcasm or cynicism, only sincerity.  I went to the first one at the Buffalo Bar a few months back and saw The Merrylees, a particular Mis-Shapes highlight for me, I strongly advise you to check them out if you haven’t already. I am yet to see a dud. The Mis-Shapes resident DJ’s, Co-Founders of the night, Joe and Phil have clearly got a very good knowledge of music, and the sets between bands and for the rest of the evening after the bands finish are a lesson into music themselves, and I defy anyone not into this scene to not enjoy the music on show, whether it be the bands or DJ’s, even their guest DJ’s smash it whether in the form of Svengali’s Johnny Owen or Shameless’ Micky, plus more. A perfect mixture of what is relevant and what made it come to be relevant, timeless tunes and classics that just never go out of fashion, predictable hits with obscurities that make you fall in love with this music, these bands, these nights over and over again.

With a recent move into the bigger, and in my opinion better, Purple Turtle venue in Camden, to allow for those Mis- Shapers that have had trouble getting into previous nights, even turned away because of the previous venue not having the space for the amount of people coming to throw oblong big fish little fish all over the gaff.
Surely this night is only going to go from strength to strength, I happen to know who some of the upcoming acts are going to be, my only advice is ‘you would be mad to miss it!’

Anyway people, it was nice talking to you again, August the 2nd is the next do with the fabulous Edgar Jones playing, this is a do not to be missed people.
I have added links to some of the groups mentioned and the nights Facebook page which has all the relevant info for you fine people to join us in this shapely revolution.

Until next time, be good to each other people.

Peace and Love,



I Am Not A Mind Reader And I Blame Hollywood For Your Unrealistic Expectations Of Me!

11 Jun

I’m sure it’s not just my own relationships that have, at some point during them, had the following stated; “I’m not a mind reader!” Usually due to the dishonesty in response from your partner to a perfectly simple question, like ‘I don’t mind if you go out, honest.’
It becomes more annoying the more you inevitably end up saying it, but will, in my experience, continue to crop up in the verbal toing and froing that make up most conversations of a relationship, intimate or otherwise.

So, we’ve established that you will at some point, almost definitely more than once say this to your partner, but why don’t we learn from it? I have to admit, I really like arguing with people and have been known to, on occasion, say the opposite to someone just to get one going, but it’s not likely you’ll use said phrase during this type of argument. It’s more likely during the example stated above, the argument/ mud slinging after you have done something you were under the impression there was nothing wrong with. Surely the answer would be for people to just say what they mean in the first place. If I said to my girlfriend that ‘I don’t mind her going out’, resulting in her going out, then what right do I have to use this as some kind of ammunition against her decision later on? None is the answer here, but I know girls and some very strange boys that in this instance will say things like, well you obviously don’t care if you went out. Well is the fact you or I asked the other’s permission to do this not enough to show you cared in the first place? Apparently not.

Why it’s not, is still very unclear to me and I have very little in way of an answer to these ridiculous ‘tests’ your partner can sometimes land on you. Now I don’t know about most of you, but I’m pretty sure that like me, when you got into this relationship, it wasn’t because you wanted to be tested in any way shape or form. At first it was probably the physical attraction that then caused you to go at it like rabbits for about three months, followed, quite abruptly, by the ‘Lets just stay in tonight and watch a movie and cuddle.’ I foolishly said yes, like most of you to this recommendation, which leaves you thinking about the two hours you’ll never get back after having to pretend for that long, your romance is somehow going to resemble some dog shit Hollywood moving picture, which lets face it guys, the only bits of that sentence you want out of the evening is Holly and Wood.
You have now successfully entered the relationship. Now the real torment begins, first it’s staying in watching rubbish films, not every night, but one of these films, such as The Notepad, will leave you feeling as though it’s every night. But while you’re feeling as though two years has been lost from your life during them two hours, she is thinking ‘why aren’t you more like the lead male actor and the character they’re playing?’ You just wish she looked like the actress, unless it’s Sarah Jessica Parker, then your grateful your girl is just overweight.

Now she has it in her head that she wants your relationship to be Hollywood, the saying of things she doesn’t mean will start, back to the first example given. “Excuse me babe, the lads are going out to watch the football later, do you mind if I join them?”
”Why of course not, my love.” She says smiling, with a scowl just waiting to punch her face off from inside her beautiful skull.
The first time you ask this will be one of the only times you’re actually asking, but don’t tell her that. The first time you come home drunk, by drunk I obviously mean smashed, you will probably not suffer the full wrath of her mental ideologies of what she thinks the relationship should be, just an annoyed girlfriend telling you that you’re a bit of a tit. It takes a couple of events before the insidious delusions and frankly erratic behaviour from your partner starts.
And it WILL!

I am astonished Hollywood have been able to get away with this disgusting behaviour for so long, the Jewish Community in Los Angeles must be responsible for breaking up so many monotonous relationships that would have otherwise flourished into a beautiful pool of bitterness and the occasional drunken fondling. How dare they give people these false ideas of what their lives could be like.
The biggest problem being of course is that none of these films show the normal day to day things we do, like paying bills for example. Where do these fuckers get all that money from, no wonder these films end right at the beginning of the couple’s relationship, because the bloke has more than likely got himself into some serious financial problems all in the name of lust. And what a depressing movie that next phase would be.

Basically people, all I am saying is, don’t be sucked into this realm of fantasy where your real life is concerned because you will forever be depressed. These Characters portrayed do not exist in real life, even the based on true events people are 99% fictional. Stop comparing your chav boyfriend with a coke problem to Ryan Gosling, the ACTOR. So what if your relationship isn’t your idea of perfect. Your faults are the most perfect thing about it, the only thing that make it real. So next time your partner wants to go out on the smash, say yes, get inebriated yourself and enjoy the fact you have someone, even if they are overweight and racist.

Thank you for reading people, be good to each other.

Peace and Love.




Sorry for delay with this latest musing, I have been waiting on some exciting news. All will be revealed soon!

Kids, You Gotta Love ‘Em, The Little Fuckers!

15 Apr

So, does anyone else think Children, especially those belonging to someone other than yourself, as innocent as they are, could possibly be the most irritating beings amongst this species?
I say innocent because I don’t think I have ever met a child that was Racist, Sexist, Hateful, a Rapist, a Murderer, supporting of any political movement or extreme in any belief other than wanting to rot their own teeth with cake and sweets.
Without these how can they be so irritating you may well ask?
This will be for people that find kids from birth to 5 annoying.

Birth would seem the sensible option to start with. Before they are even born they turn their vessel into a psychotic mess but for most people with a human heart, it’s the birth of their child, next to marriage oddly, that they describe as the most amazing moment of their insignificant existence. I was witness to the birth of my own child, it was pretty special, but it didn’t take long for that bundle of joy to become a permanent fixture of irritation in my own insignificant existence. Do not misunderstand my irritable persona to be one that is portraying hate toward our members of infancy, but as a mere vehicle for the pointing out of absurdities they are associated with. I love my son unconditionally and it’s probably a weak emotion to hold with such high esteem, as it’s this unconditional bit that makes most aspects of your life have grey areas, you’d be willing to go against your own morals, views, beliefs and opinions for the benefit of someone that, once interaction with others outside of the home starts, wants to spend as much time away from you as they can. If you don’t believe me, when was the last time you heard of a teenager talking about spending a nice ‘sober’ weekend with their parents……… Exactly!
Unless you’re members of one of these crazy cults where you basically brainwash your child by cherry picking stories for them to hear, along with terrifying them into ignorance and a narrow minded outlook on almost everything they will ever encounter, you know like Christianity or another one of them mental communities that teach you to believe in things without any evidence supporting the crazy claims they make.

Anyway, the birth of a child, a glorious thing. Then you go home, then the baby will cry, defecate and eat for a few weeks until the smiling and gurgling start. Now if a baby, your own or otherwise, crying constantly for either food or attention and often unknown reasons because of the whole speech thing being a problem, if this doesn’t irritate you in the slightest, you are very strange. This is pretty much all the baby does, so the main irritation the baby causes here, other than shitting nappies and crying, is the Jedi mind trick they pull, making adults around them turn into bigger babies.

I know you have all witnessed this, the adult that talks like a baby to the baby. The only thing more annoying than this, is people that talk to little dogs, or any pet for that matter, in exactly the same manner. What is it that this new born baby does to make you behave like this? Most, in fact all baby babies are ugly, so cuteness is not an answer, it’s only once they start looking like little people that this prune face, boring as sin, nappy filling crying machine can become the main source of annoyance in their company. Until then, you are the tool used to get on our nerves, by putting your fat face in the babies face and talking with that patronising high pitched tone of voice that is only ever used for ridiculing someone you are calling a baby, or an actual baby. Either way it’s annoying, stop it.
If, when a baby myself, I was able to understand any of what was happening I’m sure inside, I was telling you to get that big head and stupid grin out of my personal space and share your halitosis with someone else!

As if babies aren’t needy enough without your need to act like someone with serious mental health issues.

So now the baby is becoming mobile, bringing with them a whole new level of happiness and irritations. To me, it’s amazing that as useless as we seem to be at anything, we have been able to keep this small person alive long enough for them to start moving and making their own decisions. But now you have the intense job of making sure your baby isn’t off topping itself somewhere in your surroundings, because they are too stupid to know that fire, amongst other things, will hurt them. Meaning that relaxing with a mobile infant on the loose is near impossible, even with the child proofing that has managed to make your own life at home harder, the baby manages to get things they aren’t allowed.

Now I don’t know about you, but anyone using something of mine, in a way that was never intended for the item when invented, gets right on my nerves.
My son, a little after he started to walk, decided that the Sky remote was a much better device if it was hidden. TV is depressing at the best of times, but I can assure you that it doesn’t get any worse than having to watch E4 for a couple of days. Yes, I could have changed the channel via the box, but i wanted to use the remote, because that is what it’s for.
You can’t even leave a cup of tea on the side with a biscuit whilst you nip to the loo yourself, for fear of the baby scalding themselves, or choking to death on a bit of chocolate covered digestive. You could put the baby in a bouncer I suppose, but this just adds the tedious sound of Old McDonald or some other rotten sound it will make whilst your child jumps up and down on the spot, which in itself becomes mildly irritating. Not only that, the baby in question will no doubt be getting louder with their crying and whinging by now, and the toys are, well lets just say they aren’t as much fun as the toys you get as an adult when scouring the seedy shops of Soho.

Words will soon start to follow, which is great when they are saying what you want them to, not so much when its just a constant crying of ‘mumumumumum’ and she, the mum, is out of the house. These words quickly lose any novelty they may have had, if an infants first words can be referred to as such. But with the word comes the naughty word, like fuck. Now as funny as toddlers swearing is (it’s definitely in the top 5 funniest things ever), when it’s your own child doing it, particularly in public, it becomes a problem. Embarrassing for the parent, as people will quickly judge you as bad parents, because your child has said a word that everyone uses, including school children. So this little habit becomes irritating for the reason of maintaining your own reputation as a parent, selfish bastards us parents are. Because really, we should be applauding our offspring for using words, whatever they are, in the correct context, or for the simple fact they are clearly learning, but no. We daren’t even laugh when it happens, unless of course it’s someone else’s kid, then you just laugh and judge.

The talking is now where you try and mould these younger people into you, or your vision of you. Which is equally annoying to hear for anyone other than you. It’s the repetition of the same word that actually drives me most nuts, especially if it’s not correct. Why do people teach their children that cars are called brum brums? They definitely are not called brum brums, trains aren’t choo choo’s and whatever else it is you say instead of the real word, because not only do you want to irritate me with your shocking vocabulary, you want them to sound thick too. If I referred to a car as a brum brum, from my peers I’d quite rightly receive, at the very least, verbal abuse for being thick. So why would you go home and teach a child it’s ok to sound thick?

What is it that gravitates toddlers to atrocious music? Obviously, it is in some cases down to the parents and their 40 of the greatest R’n’B hits ever, that all happen to have come out in the last decade, which alone is not the start in life any child deserves, but unfortunately has to get through. Don’t get me wrong, all kids, if you play enough music to them will like the odd track that makes you proud. But play Gangnam Style and watch the kids flock to floor like seagulls on chips. My son and his cousins have driven me to near suicide on more than one occasion with the incessant playing of crap. Where as you older children that insist on listening to your ‘big choons’ through your phone, with no headphones, on public transport, you make me want to commit murder.

Up to now it would appear that children are less irritating than the idiots that produced them, which in the most part is true. Mainly because the most annoying thing about children, whatever the age, is usually because that’s what children do, annoy.

Next we have the infuriating habits, repeating things you say for the sake of it. If we were allowed to give the child in question a short sharp jab to the stomach when this habit starts I reckon most that follow would slowly disappear, but then they wouldn’t be children and you may as well send them to bible camp. There is one habit worse than this though, when a child will, purely for the sake of irritation, say the opposite to anything you say. This is the reason that whenever you babysit, I find the most useful tip I could give you is, always take a roll of gaffa tape and a shovel, it works a treat.

Obviously, I haven’t covered too much here, mainly because I already know most of my friends watch awful TV and I happen to know you can most nights  watch the devil children on TV and even get advice that doesn’t involve violence. I will say however, if you’re relying solely on the TV to tell you how to be a parent then I’m afraid you probably shouldn’t have children. Taking care of these little bastards is something innate, it comes naturally to us, instinct, after all, we are, simply put, just animals.

Thank you for reading again people, I hope you have enjoyed.

I may revisit this.

Be good to each other people, Peace and Love.

James. x

Social Networking Irritants!!

27 Mar

Social Media has managed, in it’s short existence, to create some of the most irritating habits known to man. In this blog, I’m going to give a few examples of what are possibly the worst of the irritating things people do and bizarrely see no problem with. It’s amazing how quickly you learn that all of your friends are Dick Heads, with nothing but a quick scan down your newsfeed. Especially if you didn’t already know that 99% of the population are idiots, yourselves and I often included. As I say, these a just a few examples of the social networking habits that prove it. Absolutely unquestionably prove it. You will see things that you yourself probably do, which the wishful thinking upside of this is you’ll stop doing it, but like a person of faith, reasoning with you is just pointless and you will, I’m sure, continue to be an Idiot.

The first thing I’m going to mention is people that put a status up and then proceed to ‘like’ their own status. Why do you do this? Is the fact you put it up, whatever drivel it happens to be this hour, not enough to show that you like what you had to say? It really baffles me, I can’t seem to find any suitable reason why you would have to ‘like’ what you said, it’s like patting yourself on the back for being a tit. Or for being able to do something quite basic like brushing your teeth, you wouldn’t finish this task of a morning and then go and breath purposely in other commuters faces announcing to Seven Sisters Station that you managed to accomplish the spectacular feat of brushing your pearly ‘not so’ whites. It would be absurd, but you do ‘like’ what you put up for the world to see, because simply writing it in the first place wasn’t enough. Idiot.

Before I carry on, I will tell you that some of the things I’m going to mention can sometimes come with combinations of epic stupidity, so be warned that some of you will almost definitely be beyond the help of my Peripheral Musings.

I often refer to the sites as Earths living room, but I like the analogy a friend of mine uses, of Facebook being like a digital version of the crappiest bar in town, but the only one that will still serve you no matter what.

Why do people insist on wishing people, that are clearly not on the network, or they don’t know, Happy Birthday? Along the lines of “Happy 2nd Birthday to my beautiful child, i love you lots and lots. xxx!” This sort of behaviour is not a normal thing, its running very closely to mental illness. When exactly do you think saying happy birthday via Baitbook is a sensible grown up thing to do for a 2 year old, yours or even worse, someone else’s, a person that can’t even read, let alone use Social Networking? It’s clearly an idiotic thing to do. But you people insist on doing it for children, grandparents, celebrities you’ve never met, or will ever meet dead or alive. Stop doing it, it’s not the same as a memorial for people to leave their well wishes to the families of deceased loved ones, so do not treat it as such. Idiot.

Next we have the announcing of meal plans, often accompanied by a photo of the meal, which doesn’t very often look particularly appetising, but what’s the point in sharing it in the 1st place? If you are an aspiring chef, which nearly none of you are, especially judging by the food you tell me about, then ok, build yourself some confidence by posting doctored pictures of doctored food for people to drool over and tell you how amazing you are at taking a photo of the smallest roast dinner I’ve ever seen. Or some of you will give a running commentary on the progress your dinner is making, ‘Chicken in the oven, roasting away nicely, now to peel the spuds and let them potato’s potate.’ or something equally as stupid. I for one didn’t think that by putting a chicken in the oven you were going to be deep frying it, nor did I care. The next part of this meal plan procedure you have on the networks is telling me it looks and tastes amazing, well isn’t that great.
Then this is followed usually by a photo of an empty plate. Well congratulations on finishing your dinner, a massive thank you for sharing this wonderful news with the world. You have inspired me to finish more dinners. Without your inspiring efforts I’d probably still be peckish, but thanks to the wonderful talents and creative use of the Social Networks you have shown, I can honestly say, ‘Stick a fork in me, I’m done.’  Sometimes followed by the washing up comments and pictures, Wow, you used some stuff at home, and now you have to clean it, who’d have thought, what a crazy world we live in a? Idiots.

People that send nothing but game invites, or share game achievements such as high scores, how well your pretend crops are doing and various other peculiar things you share from them. The most annoying one for me personally though, which anyone that knows me will already know, is putting screenshots of a word game, which has four pictures as clues to what the one word is. I will say it again and keep saying it, If you can’t play it, delete it. You don’t put pictures of other things you get stuck with up, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone post a picture of a crossword for example. So why do it with this? Also do you people not have anything better to be doing than playing poxy games on these social networking sites, don’t you know that they’re here for us to bore idiots with our exquisite tastes. Not to be anti social on a social network by playing some shit game and sharing how good you are at being a loser. You don’t do it on anything else, you don’t shout about winning a game of Minesweeper, on Windows (The program), whilst bored at work, actually, does anyone even play Minesweeper anymore, it used to be adolescent boys pissing about in the school library. Also, i have never in the few times I played it at school ever completed a single round, or seen anyone do it. Weird! Anyway, you people are also Idiots!

You next bunch of idiots are the people that think announcing to the world what an arsehole your child’s parent you are no longer with is! What would possess you to do this? It’s no better than going on Jeremy Kyle, and to be fair, I’m surprised some of you haven’t. In fact it’s probably worse than going on National TV to air your dirty laundry, trying to somehow make out, with the help of some judgemental opinionated wanker, that you are a better human being then they are. Some people are bad at some things, but by doing this, I can hand on heart, honestly say you are just a fucking dick head. Posting things like this to cause all your sympathising friends, that only know your version of events, to then follow suit, and list loads of insults and suggestions, like stopping the victim of this childish behaviour from seeing their child. Who, that’s not involved, thinks they can share opinions of this nature and not think it’s wrong? You letting them and getting a kick out of doing it, is simply pathetic. I hope your children grow up and see this is how their parents behaved, they can at least then realise the deep mental issues they have whilst probably trying to get over a teen pregnancy or drug addiction, can be rooted into their Mum or Dad, possibly both, being a drain on society as a whole. Proper Idiots!
The people that in general just have a go at others via their statuses, what is the point, honestly? If you are not willing to say something directly to the idiot in question, then you may as well just keep quiet. You should work on this though, because I can promise you this, telling an idiot they are exactly that is one of the most satisfying past times a person can have. Along with Smoking and Drinking of course. And let’s be honest people, everyone you meet is an Idiot!

I just touched on the sympathy that people try and get on the sites, when did they become the places to look for a shoulder to cry on. Usually though it seems with these idiots that they are using the place as a hypochondriacs playground. If you have a cold, take some Lemsip or some other form of medication, I don’t need my mood being brought down by your whinging about how ill you are probably not, because if you were as ill as it would appear from what you write, you wouldn’t be writing the statuses in the first place. Also, if you work in a job with not a lot of prospects in the place, I know you had a shit day at work, telling me about how shit it is just emphasises exactly how shit the rest of your life must be if you feel the need to then tell everyone you know what a shit day it was. You work as a cashier, I know it was a shit day, I know without being told, I know that every time I do a bit of shopping and you can’t even muster a smile to greet someone that your very existence there is shit and you’d probably rather be dead. Why do you think your jobs are being replaced by self service machines? The last thing you’ll ever get from me for having a shit job and a shit day at it, is sympathy, who cares Idiot?

A similar idiot to the last, is the one that thinks having a go at people, usually a general rant of the indirect nature, for simply having a good time. For example, why on earth would you begrudge other people you know having a good Christmas day. I don’t particularly enjoy seeing their stupid grinning faces either, but wouldn’t dream of telling them they aren’t allowed to have a good time. Idiot.

Why, whatever the video is, does the comment feed have nothing but argument’s about race, religion or both, often with a dose of conspiracy for good measure? Militant Anti-Theist Honky’s calling out Jesus Freak Nig Nogs, Lizard Believing Faggots telling you that you’re crazy for thinking man landed on the moon because they heard some southern state White Trash petrol station owner say so on the internet. The same Hillbilly that’s telling you he would kick your arse if he see’s you, ignoring the fact that one of you, possibly both, is only 12 years old and live on different continents.
It can be a certainty though, as long as you aren’t twelve years old, that these comment feeds will make you realise that your life isn’t so bad after all, so for that, I thank you idiots.

Girls, girls, girls and the odd bloke, pretty boy or gay usually. Why do you feel the need to take photo’s of yourselves, half naked, in the mirror, with a stupid look on your face? It mostly consists of you looking in the other direction to the way your facing, or a diagonal angle upwards, pouting with an unbelievable amount of make up on. Stop it, stop it now! Not only is it bloody annoying, you can never tell where you are because the whole shot is taken up by your fat face, or your friends fat faces!
Here’s a couple of pictures, because it’s never just one, of me demonstrating the pose that I mean;
Does this man look an idiot or what? Exactly!

There are far too many people online that have nothing to say but cannot seem to wait to tell the world about it. The habits people have acquired since social networking became a night out for some people, are just beyond reason. You are on the internet, you have a search engine, Google usually. So why would you Tweet a question about a specific subject unless its directly to a friend to find out the time you’re meeting them? You have Google, in fact, you probably use a search engine for 99% of the answers you don’t know, so what do you think people are going to do to give you the answer? That’s right, they are going to Bing it, I mean Google. Idiot.

The last thing I am going to gripe about has to be people that feel the need to blog about the stuff people do that winds them up. I mean what is it these people think they are going to achieve by putting it down in writing, what is there to achieve by telling you all what you already know? That you are all idiots. But the Idiot telling you all by putting big bodies of text, needlessly using the occasional long word they’ve just learnt, is obviously compensating for the tiny penis in their 501’s. Or jogging bottoms, depending if the clearly unemployed blogger has anything else to bother with throughout the day, unlikely I know. This person probably doesn’t shave often, whether they need to or not. The blogger can often be a pretentious shit, clearly thinks they know better than most, often does. They probably are at different times, every Characteristic of a Social Group. I’m willing to wager that this person probably smokes the odd illegal narcotic to relax, as well as having an intimate relationship with cigarettes and alcohol, self medicating to make their day easier for themselves to be able to cope with the stresses of other peoples stupidity, a temporary solution to a permanent problem. A problem I’m sure that no amount of blogging will ever solve. They’ll continue nonetheless.
Mainly because there are still so many more things that people do that can’t be described any other way than truthfully, Idiotic.

I’ve had it said to me before, why can’t you just shut up and let people have their own habits and belief’s, especially if it’s not hurting you? Well if everyone thought like this, we would surely have nothing at all to say. You reading surely realise that it’s people’s unbelievably silly beliefs and habits that cause more harm than anything else, whether directly or not is besides the point. Do people not realise that its more idiotic to be a spectator of idiocy than it is to talk out against it, whether its in a religious form or a ridiculous Facebook habit, both equally as irritating as each other, but at least one of them doesn’t allow for the breeding of psychopathic nutcases by giving nonsense credibility, it just breeds more and more idiots, nothing else. Well not unless you include pissed off bloggers.
I hope you have enjoyed reading, if you have discovered through reading my Peripheral Musings that you are more of an idiot than initially thought, then it was my pleasure informing you. If not, we have more time and more topics to cover, do not think yourself safe from the truth. Idiot!

Talk again soon you beautiful people.

Peace and Love,

James, x

None Of The Music Around Now Is As Good As It Used To Be!………………REALLY??

17 Mar

‘None of the music around now is as good as it used to be!’ An extremely bold statement I’m sure you’ve all heard, which upon first hearing, is easy to agree with, especially if you listen to Radio 1. But it doesn’t take much digging to find something listenable, and not a massive amount more digging to find some real gems. The people that make this statement are a whole variety too, usually over the age of 35, bar the odd pretentious little bell end you run into, wearing a John Smedley, or clothes they only describe as ‘Vintage’, which basically means a dead mans jumper bought from an indoor jumble sale like Beyond Retro, which is worse than Primark, yes, such a place exists! Back to the point, these people are a whole variety of people with a real eclectic mix of music between them, everything from Chess to Chase, the statement is used across an array of genres. Always said with the same firm belief and conviction you’d expect to hear from a boxer at a press conference explaining how he’s different from anyone the other guy has faced and how he’ll knock him out, while giving the fans their money’s worth. I just simply don’t agree.

The biggest problem with the statement in question, is the fact that most of the people saying it don’t ever really look into it and are happy to have whatever shite radio station they choose to listen to at work, on only at work, for them 8 hours of the day they’re there. So have no real authority to say it in the first place. I’ve been guilty myself of saying some of the things that run along with this line of thought. Obviously anything that is meant to evoke emotion, is always going to be personal preference, but if you refuse to look for what you like, you can’t surely sit there and tell people there is nothing as good, or even better, available to them.
Another thing most of us don’t have anymore with music is the familiarity of the one record you could afford that week, so would listen to numerous times whether you liked it or not, often resulting in you liking it. With the whole ‘download anything you like for free’ movement, the stealing of music available to everyone, you have anything you like at your fingertips. So therefore you don’t have to familiarise yourself with any record now. If you don’t like it on 1st listen, there are very few of us that will give it a few chances to change our minds, which in a lot of peoples eyes takes the soul out of the music.

Also anyone that isn’t downloading anything for nothing, is a) A liar, or b) has a lot more money than the rest of us. I don’t always agree with the fact you can have what you like without paying for the work someone has often slaved over, I even have some friends that, if it wasn’t for this industry being on its arse thanks to us lot thieving their work, would probably have quite comfortable lives, but instead they’re working in shops, and other such things to substitute for the money they don’t make from record sales. Here lies what makes it better though, if it’s not a career choice, the only reason, the most important reason any art may have, is that people are doing it because that’s what they love and are able to share it with the world, much more easily. The honesty this brings with it must mean so much more to you than some jumped up X Factor contestant that wants nothing but fame, getting their awful karaoke version of a song to Christmas number one. And so many more people are making music available to you, by a law of averages alone, there has to be music as good and better, easily accessible. There are a lot of radio shows and club nights dedicated to bringing you these musicians as well as all of the magazines, websites, blogs, articles in a lot of forms and the ability to use your own initiative. You’d be mad to think otherwise.

This is not to say anyone making music years ago wasn’t making it because they loved it, of course they did, but when bands get millions for simply reforming, putting the reason they split aside for a pay check, it’s this that surely takes the soul out of music. It’s not for the fans at all, if you believe it is, you are deluded. I enjoy the shows as much as anyone, but that doesn’t mean any of it was for us or the love of them songs. We are simply the reason they can, not the reason they do.

You can go to many pubs on a Friday night and see people that are still smashing out Teenage Kicks alongside their own material, picking up their £30 each and living in their fantasy world of imagining to be playing Wembley, but at least these people accept it for what it is, and embrace every reason you should ever like music, whether they’re shit or not. Creative booms, another reason I’ve heard used for why music used to be better, never stop and it’s possibly the most nonsense thing I’ve ever heard anyone say, that and The Beatles are rubbish. We live in a time where we are able to pay less and less where creative and artistic professions are concerned, apart from the live shows of course, but people rather than embrace it have a way of making it seem bad. I’m not saying it’s fair or right, I am saying enjoy it because we don’t get anything else costing less and less. More music and the more people that are making it are more dedicated to what they’re doing than ever before, knowing it’ll never make them even slightly rich and famous unless you’re ridiculously lucky, it shows them wearing their hearts on their sleeve. The pretentiousness is still amongst people involved, not all, but I’m sure this has just always been part of the whole ‘I’m an artist, into art’ persona they love to project.

‘There’s no originality anymore.’. Well this I can’t agree with either, in terms of an individual genre you may have a valid point for a little while, sometimes. Music is constantly growing into a bigger monster with more and more of it there to be heard. Originality is what keeps it growing. Music is constantly moving, making it original, the only people not being original are the people that use the opening line of this blog with confidence. I’m not here to give you a list of groups that are as good, I’m just saying there are and it’s up to you to find them, rather than be stuck in an era from earlier in your life, or even before your life. Listen to music from the past by all means, as it’s the reason music we listen to now exists, it would be very naive to think your favourite bands now weren’t influenced by what came before them. This doesn’t mean it lacks any original qualities, although there are many tribute bands under the guise of original.
It’s obvious that not all of the biggest bands throughout the last few decades were that good, but struck a chord with people around at the time, sometimes due to financial backing, so the fact that the financial backing isn’t as strong as it once was for most puppets of the time, can only be good in terms of a lot of bands sticking to their guns and making the music they want to make, not the easily digested Capital FM bullshit that sells.
My observation would be that only music for children, gay clubs, and the teenage girl sells now, and by sells, I mean makes superstars of it’s purveyors. The main reason people would agree with the title I reckon.

The soul of music is greater than it has ever been due to the sheer numbers making it purely for the love of doing so because a star career solely making music is not an option, unless you’re willing to sell your soul, or lucky.

Thanks for reading you beautiful people.

Peace and Love,

James, x